Yes, ADHD Fatigue is Real, Even with Medication

This is something that struck me heavily today - even with my stimulating medication for ADHD, I was not able to function.

It started like this: I woke up earlier than normal today to prepare for an audition for a commercial shoot. I planned to use 40 minutes for the shoot, so I could take my dog for a nice walk before going to a networking function at 9 AM. By the time I was done shooting and editing my video, it was 8 AM; it was either not spending enough time with my dog or not going to the function, and I chose to spend the time with my dog. To be completely honest, I was also feeling a bit too tired to show up to meet with countless new people and talk nonstop about my business.

By the time I got home, it was already 10 AM, and it was time to take my daily dose of ADHD medication. I kept hoping the energy would return because I had a whole day of schedule to keep. But instead, I curled into bed with defeat, self-criticism, and creeping fear that I was failing at life for not doing more.

The reason why I was worried about keeping up with my schedule was also because I had just left my job to create my own business and social platform, and the thought that I was not working hard enough, productive enough, really paralyzed me from getting up.

Once I had a little time to rest, I got up and said, What in the world, get your sh*t together. Though I was still feeling worn out, I was determined to "do something" and proceeded to clean out my "handbag" cabinet and get rid of bags I had not used in the last 6 months. Getting rid of clutter always helps me think.

Then it hit me. I did spend all day writing a lesson for a 5-page lecture yesterday (though, in my mind, I didn't get enough done because I also scheduled book writing and blog writing for yesterday)' and this morning, the audition was last minute and urgent, and it took longer than expected because I wanted it to be perfect. Following the audition, I also took some time to intentionally respond to a text that stirred up some unfavorable emotions from the past. I was experiencing mental fatigue, more precisely, ADHD mental fatigue.

I know this may sound super normal, like everyone goes through fatigue and mental fog. But for the ADHD brain, even small tasks require so much brain power and emotional expenses. One simple act of texting back someone took a lot out of me because it was not just about the text, it was about my heavy emotions from the experiences in the past, and how I could iterate that experience appropriately to someone I had just met. It was also the guilt and shame that creeped up on me ever since last night, when I knew that I did not completed my scheduled tasks, and the disappointment of not getting myself ready enough to go through the networking function.

I realized that the medication I took was never meant to fix ADHD, it is to support me through executive functions. But sometimes, the medication cannot mask the heavy toll of self-criticism and over-expenditure of my mental capacity. The problem is that we never really knew or could possibly measure our mental capacity. So what can we do?

What I learned from a day that felt like failure:

• Because I was not working full time, I had pre-existing insecurities that I needed to do more in order to compensate for not having a steady income. So I overcompensated by scheduling more on my plate.

• Even small tasks can derail people with ADHD — not because we’re incapable, but because our brains don’t work linearly. We think in webs, in layers. One thought triggers ten others, and before we know it, we’re obsessing over what seems like a small thing. we can't help it unless we become aware of it. Awareness is something so important in the path to thrive with ADHD.

• I become overly critical of myself when I "think" I am not doing enough. But I need to listen to my body.

• Last but not least, be kind. I know many people don't understand us and would call us lazy or making excuses. But the best thing to do for ourselves is not to add oil to the fire. Know your limit and be proud of what you have accomplished. Take stock of what you have done; that is why the daily checklist is so important, and the point is to be flexible with your checklist. Get it done, but if you can't, move it to a day that also works for your timeline.

Medication helps, but it doesn’t protect me from overextending, overthinking, or burning out. That’s where awareness comes in. That’s where compassion comes in. And most of all, that’s where I come in — to be kind enough to listen and appreciate what I have learned from today.